I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
