The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
