Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
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