the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Let's paint friendship bongs
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
