hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
