K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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