My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize