those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
