If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
i think i have herpe
just one?
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
