Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize
