Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Threesome in a minivan. New low
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
