it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Randomize
