I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
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