Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Randomize
