You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
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