Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
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