My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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