He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
