So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
