I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
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