2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Randomize
