Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
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