He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
We smell like vodka and hangover
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