When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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