Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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