I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Randomize
