paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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