But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
