Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
