Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
