if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize