you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
