How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
