I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
