it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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