I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
