I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
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