Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Randomize
