i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
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