I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Randomize
