I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Randomize
