I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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