the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
