tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
