i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Randomize
