i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize
