it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
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