I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
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