have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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