So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
