Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
