Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
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