Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
