I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
I came so hard my ears popped.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
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