oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
