nut hugger
The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Randomize
