I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize