Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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