He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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