Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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