the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
