Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
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