happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
