i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
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