im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
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