Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
