Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
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