I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
How drunk are you?
Completed.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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