Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
