I got chris browned last night
Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
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