If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
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