what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
