I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize