i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
