____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
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