I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Randomize
