I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Randomize
