I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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