Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
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