A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
