I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Every concussion has its silver lining
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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