Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
My breath smells like gin and sadness
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
