Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
He passed out mid-signature
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize