You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
