I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
handjob tips. give me some.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
