first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
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