Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
