Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Randomize
