I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Randomize
