You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
