I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
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