Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
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