Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Randomize
