he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Randomize
