At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
