My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
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