dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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