I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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