didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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