My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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