"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
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