I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize
