Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
