Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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