Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
