fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
