I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
