I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Randomize
