Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
