I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
Please, let me fuck your mom
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
I think people are normalizing furries
Randomize
