Rock
Scissors
Fuck
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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