I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
